You might have wondered where we have been
The four or five of you who might have seen
One of our silly little video things
In which we often twat around and sing

About stupid things that make us cross
Trump or Brexit or some other dross

Well, funny story, you'll like this bit
My renal system has gone to shit
So, now they've got me on dialysis
And, yes, it's funny 'cause they take the piss

So they took a trip out to B&Q
And fitted me up with some plastic tubes

To help my body keep my blood nice and clean
I've become part man and part washing machine
I'm a cut-price Borg with a red and blue portal
A constant reminder that, oh shit, I'm mortal!

So scleroderma called one afternoon
Connective tissue, autoimmune
Disease that warranted a tunnelled line
To be forcibly rammed into this chest of mine

The process was brutal, more akin to thuggery
Despite anaesthetic it hurt like buggery


It could have been worse, it could have been scarier
They could have installed it in my trouser area



Written by Intermittent Explosive Disorder
© Copyright 2019