I met her for the first time at the gun show
Her rack was fully-loaded and smoking-hot
She grabbed me by the barrel and called me “cowboy”
Our love was all pump-action from the start

We had a shotgun wedding out in Vegas
Incurable romantic that I am
My lady'd always longed to go see England
And that is where the trouble all began

We spent our honeymoon on Knifecrime Island
There was nothing there to do, and it's no fun
It's always pissing down of rain
And it drove us both insane
And all because we couldn't take our guns

That hotel room was a powder keg of tension
To each other's needs we just could not devote
It wasn't the most blissful of vacations
Three weeks with hands around each other's throats

And I stabbed my blushing bride on Knifecrime Island
Bored out of our minds, it wasn't fun
We drove each other round the bend
And it got bloody by the end
Because they wouldn't let us bring our guns

The judge he wore a frown
When he handed my sentence down
Attempted homicide
Behind these steel bars I now reside

You'll want to shiv the one you love on Knifecrime Island
No Tec-9 automatics, that's no fun
You gotta punch folk real direct
Or stab up hoodies for respect
Because those god-damned pussy limeys don't do guns
Surviving crime's just not American!

Written by Intermittent Explosive Disorder
© Copyright 2013