In Bethlehem, in nought AD
Not much was going on
Just a normal winter in the Middle East
No-one special there was born
Yes, we know you've heard it differently
But we're afraid you heard it wrong
'Cause there's probably no deity
Everybody sing along
Long before that Jesus guy
Whose existence isn't clear
The Pagans and the Norse and the Romans too
Celebrated this time of year
With food and drink, and a gift or three
Till the Christians came along
They stole it all, and said that it was theirs
So this is our Christmas song
CHORUS
So celebrate, have fun, enjoy!
It's not about some baby boy
We've been feasting and a-gifting in December ten thousand years
So drink, my friends, give and receive
Ignore that crap some folk believe
Being a godless heathen doesn't mean that you're a miserable sod
Merry Christmas everyone
There's probably no God
Wouldn't any God take Christmas off
From killing kids with cancer and wars and stuff?
And what kind of lord, in his “mysterious way”
Would let James Brown peg it on Christmas Day?
But the evidence says he isn't there
Or if he is then he's a monster who doesn't care
So blaspheme the holidays away with me
And leave a Dawkins book under the Christmas tree
CHORUS
It's Christmas time, so flip your lid!
It's not about that Jewish kid
We were partying in winter before we knew what winter was
So raise a glass, and stuff your face
Spread secular love all over the place
Realising death is final doesn't mean you'll be a miserable sod
Merry Christmas everyone
There's probably no God
You might be a strident atheist
But that doesn't mean that you can't get pissed
At this time of year, with everybody else
'Cause it's all about rewarding yourself
For your hard work since January
And sharing joy with friends and family
So the carpenter from Palestine
Can frankly bugger off this Christmas time
CHORUS
So celebrate, have fun enjoy!
It's not about some baby boy
We've been feasting and a-gifting in December ten thousand years
It's Christmas time, wear a silly hat
'Cause it's all about your friends and family and that
Living like you'll never live again isn't remotely odd
Merry Christmas everyone
There's probably no God
CHORUS
Enjoy yourself, 'cause you're gonna die
Have a massive glass of brandy and another mince pie
Live your live for now because it's all you're gonna get
So drink, my friends, give and receive
Ignore that crap some folk believe
Being a godless heathen doesn't mean that you're a miserable sod
Merry Christmas everyone
There's probably no God
Merry Christmas everyone
There's probably no God