What better way to mark the arrival of our 10th anniversary than by crafting an overblown, self-indulgent, self-referencing load of self-aggrandising noise? Well, loads of better ways, probably, to be honest …
It’s said the only certainties in life are death and taxes, but what about sickness, suffering, solitude, and the fact that your favourite show will always be cancelled while “Mrs Brown’s Boys” gets another shitting series?
Are we there, yet? We’re bored, tired, and the only thing keeping us from leaping out is the fact that we’re travelling at 117mph. Well, that and the bloody child locks are on. I swear, if this isn’t over soon, words will be had. Rude ones.
Are you lonesome tonight? Are restrictions too tight? Is the lockdown just driving you mad? Have you stuffed yourself full? Bored right out of your skull? Have you lost whatever grip that you had? Don’t worry. You’re not alone.
Look, we know that we’ve been away for a few months, but we’ve got a REALLY good excuse and, while we are loathe to play the organ failure card, we do have to say: ORGAN FAILURE. Unexpected, moderately inconvenient, dropped-out-of-the-sky organ failure.
They are often referred to as the “thin blue line”, although many have implied over the years that the line might in fact be somewhat thicker. Not us, of course … we’d never stoop to making such a crass insinuation.
It is often said that Christmas is a time for peace on Earth, and goodwill to all, but it seems that neither the year itself (or a substantial number of people living in it) have actually gotten that message.
Hey, kids! Stop snogging, and pay attention to me! ‘Cause if you’re a wild-eyed loner standing at the gates of oblivion, then hitch a ride with us … this really IS the last freedom moped out of Nowhere City. Don’t tell your parents!
We’d like to take the opportunity whilst announcing our brand new song to reassure our friends and relatives that this song is not, in ANY way, about you … unless, of course, you don’t share it, in which case it is TOTALLY about you.
Journey with us to a decade of flared trousers, energy crises, and cocaine abuse as we bring you our very first song; “Disco Bitch”, the tale of a dancer with a serious attitude problem and a callous disregard for nightclub etiquette.
Well, it looks like our radio debut got screwed up a bit. I’m not sure what happened, but it seems the previous week’s show got broadcast instead. My money’s on the hosts being off their faces in a boozer somewhere …
We may stir up a hornet’s nest with this one, but what the hell! When the previously radical becomes its own establishment it becomes as much a legitimate target for having “bum” written on it as “da system” does. That said, where’s my felt-tip pen?
A quick update, but an exciting one, as one of our songs will shortly be making its radio debut! “Stonewall Toda’s Skitxty Minutes”, the anarchic, atypical, topical comedy/music show on eatmusic, will feature “Disco Bitch” in its May 17th programme!
We hope by now everyone’s downloaded our first two songs – if you haven’t, shame on you (we still love you though). The good news is that song 3 will be released to the site next weekend (18th/19th).
Welcome, one and all, to this our Sunday service at the Church of the Patently Not Sodding There At All. For those of you who overslept again, you might just be able to sneak in before the Rev. Godfrey Heathen introduces our second song …