You should probably sit down. We need to talk about, erm … “things”. You must have noticed that “things” between us are not as exciting as they used to be? But, it’s okay, there IS a solution. Just, bear with me … hear me out …
Who else but Intermittent Explosive Disorder could bring you the perfect musical marriage between Agony Aunt and Uncle Literary Criticism? Who else would attempt to? Well, yeah, maybe that’s why you should listen to us more – we’re full of great ideas and helpful advice!
For instance, if you want to spice things up in the bedroom and try something a little different it’s probably best not to take your inspiration from poorly-contrived fiction that exhibits the sexual sophistication and maturity of a horny teenager crossed with a Disney teenager, and a moody teenager. Either way, werewolves or scantily-dressed alien women? It’s all so very adolescent.
Instead you should slink sexily down the page a little, gesture seductively, and download a few moments of steamy, breathy noise action at whatever bit rate turns you on. Don’t forget to like, comment, and share with your friends – just keep it safe, sane, and consensual.
Get your freak on …
* May contain one or more words that your nan would not be a fan of
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