I am undefeated king of political dance floor; no matter what record I spin, everyone boogies to my tune, and when light hit mirror ball it throw off rays of Novichok in every direction. Turn up music, let hair down! Welcome Club Vlad!

I used to have a blog once, better than this, I can tell you. Full of words, so many words, just the best. Millions of visitors, people commenting, free to say whatever, and they all said it was great. This blog and song are failing, believe me!

While he may have long been given the boot, Steve Bannon’s ominous presence can still be felt among the corridors of the White House. It’s a bit like the shadow cast over Hogwarts by Lord Voldemort … if Voldemort was an alcoholic Nazi, obviously.

In the long history of cinema movies have managed to show us every facet of the human experience, and we’ve only really learned two things; first, life is short and, second, Hollywood is determined to waste as much of it as possible.

Being right all the time isn’t nearly as fun as you think. There we were, four years ago, telling you how ghastly social media is, and giving you plenty of reasons to hate it, and we’ve only just discovered there was one we didn’t think of!